who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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