Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
