It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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