Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
