nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
