your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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