I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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