it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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