fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We left the knife in your bed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
tell me about the fingering
Randomize