Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
