You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
