you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
