____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We are all done wearing pants today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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