also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was like eating out sand paper
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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