I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize