dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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