You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
