Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
