Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
