you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
