No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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