just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
