I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
