Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
