I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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