the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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