my sisters under your porch take her home
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
