the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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