It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
