listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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