I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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