burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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