What a fucking waste of an outfit
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
