Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
