I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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