Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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