You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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