Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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