Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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