i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize