Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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