Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
