just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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