Your tits are I can't wait for
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize