Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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