Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
