found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So squirting runs in the family.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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