i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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