I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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