Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize