mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
