I CAN MOONWALK!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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