Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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