So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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