Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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