Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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