I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
