i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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