mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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