hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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