How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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