I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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