I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
