i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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