meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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