my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
