Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
