I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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