Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
