I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
