Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is wine microwaveable?
I understand Curling. That high.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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