Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need water and some morals
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
