that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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