First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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