It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
