you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
