there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
