Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
