I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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