Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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