I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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