he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
