I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
