Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
