She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Green mimosas i think yes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
