it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
