yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
