A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
