I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
