turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize