chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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