okay pat passed out under dana's car
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
