Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
