hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think my vagina is haunted
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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