How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
