ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
