I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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