I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
