I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
