I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
