It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
