Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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